{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-article-tsx","path":"/primetakemetochurch","webpackCompilationHash":"fd74fdbb38aa2eda4a30","result":{"data":{"primeArticle":{"headline":"Take Me to Church","author":"Helen Juwon Park","authorbio":"","authoremail":"","authortwitter":"","coverimg":"http://oink.dailybruin.com/packages/prime.takemetochurch/image/1byqKfrrH6PshHfV0W5NhyRq-AeIQ8agU/","covercred":"Illustrations by Helen Juwon Park","coveralt":"An illustration of the writer, Helen, participating in communion.","articleType":"article","updated":"","content":[{"type":"text","value":"Going to church fulfilled my partner and I’s need for greater spiritual meaning, said Danielle Vigent, a guest speaker for my sociology class on sexuality and sexual identity."},{"type":"text","value":"I had been following the story of how Vigent realized she was queer and the multiple identities she took on, but this piqued my interest. The stories I am used to involve queer couples leaving the church. The Christian churches I knew would not have been so tolerant nor accepting of such self-expression."},{"type":"text","value":"Instead, the first sermon Vigent and her partner heard was about pumpkin spice. It made them comfortable enough to return regularly."},{"type":"text","value":"There must have been something special about that church."},{"type":"text","value":"UCLA was my first break from a religious community. Raised by a practicing Christian and a stout agnostic, I came out of 13 years at a private Christian international school as an agnostic. There, inaction in reaction to exclusion was justified by status and religion. Its apparent failure to bring consequences to racist and sexist actions made its declarations towards truth and diversity difficult to believe in. (The school did not respond in time to a request for comment.)  However, I didn’t want something that hurt me in the past to be the most interesting thing about me."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"Taking revenge on the antagonists of my adolescence is not how I want to spend my Sundays – or my life.\\\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"Taking revenge on the antagonists of my adolescence is not how I want to spend my Sundays – or my life – so I revisited the religious community after about two and a half years, hoping that this time, I would have a different story to tell. At the very least, I would get to experience the church that once sermonized about pumpkin spice."},{"type":"text","value":"The memory of middle school discomfort was not too far in my head as I crossed the threshold of the First Congregational Church of Los Angeles, the city’s oldest Protestant church in continuous service. The First Congregational Church describes itself as an accepting and open church with an emphasis on music. Its open proclamation of accepting sexual orientations and gender identities made the church stand out."},{"type":"text","value":"On the way to the church in the morning, I tried to not think about whether my Sunday best was good enough. I figured wearing something similar to my uniform for Wednesday chapel back in school would be appropriate. My black slacks and whitest of shirts are far from what I usually wear nowadays. They were from a period conforming to a group I do not want to associate with. However, my worn-down burgundy bomber jacket added a familiar color to the ensemble and acted as a hug against the surprisingly chilly LA morning and the thought that I was reentering the type of space where my self-expression had not been supported."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"An illustration of people holding hands in front of arches.\",\"url\":\"http://oink.dailybruin.com/packages/prime.takemetochurch/image/14se6r3bkGgNjQVzo_nstZiko9gMn49o_/\",\"credit\":\"Helen Juwon Park/Illustrations director\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"I arrived 20 minutes before the organ service and explored the grounds awkwardly, worrying I would be told that I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be. A garden connects the entrance to the school next to the church, where sculptures of children look uncanny. I silently realized I tended to get disturbed by a church’s"},{"type":"text","value":"well-intentioned acts. I gave the unsettling children the benefit of the doubt and continued walking. I spotted a smaller chapel with a sign in Korean directing towards the sermon. I waited as a middle-aged woman helped an older man up the steps and flashed them a small smile before peering inside the barely-filled chapel."},{"type":"text","value":"Figuring I had more time before the service, I wandered further into the grounds and found myself facing the church entrance I saw online. It had tall archways, delicate but sharp spires and intricate designs with circular glass. To those who weren’t impressed by the value it holds as a religious symbol, it would still seem architecturally sanctified. The pride flag at full mast on the flag pole added to the lasting impression. Churches don’t usually fly pride flags."},{"type":"text","value":"I crossed the threshold."},{"type":"text","value":"The inside was lit with colored lights, emphasizing the organ pipes lining the front and back of the church and extending to the walls of the altar where the reverend would stand high for the sermon. The organ is one of the largest church organs in the world. The sanctuary was a far cry from my old school’s dimly lit auditorium, full of teenagers either falling asleep or eagerly waiting to practice the grace and love the chaplain preached about. Although I did not doze off every week, I also did not take the chaplain’s words to heart."},{"type":"text","value":"When I tell the story of my experience in a religious community, I do not try to veil my sardonic tone. Perhaps I was simply a sheep that was incompatible with the flock, but I despised the community that preached Christian values of acceptance but showed no consequences for my peers’ acts of prejudice. When I wanted to be seen and understood, I was met with a default offer for prayer."},{"type":"text","value":"As the first notes of the organ rushed through the church, I found a pew far back enough to be inconspicuous, but not so much that I felt antisocial. I expected a classic church melody, or maybe even an organ arrangement for a Hillsong Worship song. Instead, I was met with works from Bach, a track from \"Rogue One: A Star Wars Story\" and the franchise’s love ballad \"Across the Stars.\" My delight at the pop culture reference was elevated by a duet of Céline Dion and Andrea Bocelli’s \"The Prayer\" that resonated in my soul. The grandiose scale of the sound that reverberated from both front and back of the church made me understand why people felt moved by sermons about finding comfort in each other and a higher power."},{"type":"text","value":"How could you not feel connected to a greater purpose?"},{"type":"text","value":"In between songs, the speakers read Bible verses and the reverends preached. I can not say that I was praying, but I tried. I can’t let the things that hurt me in the past dictate my cynicism towards religion, rejection and faith."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"I followed the line for communion and accepted the cup.\\\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"No matter how sincere the words of the reverend, my bitter heart still finds it difficult to believe in their compassion."},{"type":"text","value":"I followed the line for communion and accepted the cup."},{"type":"text","value":"The court filled with people exchanging greetings, smiles and hugs after the sermon. The reverends moved through the crowd"},{"type":"text","value":"like they knew every face in the community. When they didn’t, they make sure to welcome the newcomer. It seemed that no one was overlooked in this flock. Throughout all this, I nervously avoided eye contact, silently hoping to find a way to start a conversation while taking sips of coffee. I realized my socially pitiful state had been noticed by a church goer when he introduced himself. It had been a while since I had attended church."},{"type":"text","value":"My new acquaintance began introducing me to other people around the court."},{"type":"text","value":"He said he would have appreciated someone doing the same for him. As I gushed about the performances and my newfound fondness towards music in churches, a man suggested I join the choir. Singing during chapel at school was one of the few times I truly felt the adoration and love expressed in the lyrics sung by our collective chorus. To sing as one among the First Congregational Church’s Mass Choir would be something to remember. Before people cleared out of the court, I stopped by the events table and signed up, committing myself to a commute on the other side of the city."},{"type":"image","value":"{\"alt\":\"An illustration of an organ at the front of a church with sheet music obstructing some of the view.\",\"url\":\"http://oink.dailybruin.com/packages/prime.takemetochurch/image/1fuq1rNEIkv62fKt8KRl59bXnjzvTq_hn/\",\"credit\":\"Helen Juwon Park/Illustrations director\",\"caption\":\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"I quickly learned I did not know how to harmonize. The fear of doing something wrong probably did not help my singing, but was eased when the music director looked me in the eyes and told me he was glad I made it. I had expected to feel small, like I did in school, but instead found my presence was welcomed."},{"type":"text","value":"When it came to the performance, I came dressed in my most colorful Hawaiian shirt and jeans. The music director had instructed us to wear clothes that reflected our identities."},{"type":"text","value":"The concert was for a special sermon celebrating Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy of advocating for racial equality and included songs from the Civil Rights movement, such as \"Freedom’s Gonna Reign\" and \"We Shall Overcome.\" Exhausting my lungs for notes about perseverance in the pursuit of freedom felt good. It was like my voice conveying a message I agreed with."},{"type":"text","value":"At the coffee hour after the service, I spoke to a fellow alto from the choir. She said the First Congregational Church was the first church she consistently went to after she stopped as a child. She thought the church’s genuine sense of community stemmed from the reverends’ and the music director’s efforts to make space for people who aren’t traditional church attendees."},{"type":"text","value":"This seemed to be a trend."},{"type":"text","value":"I believe some of the people I went to school with felt that the teachers and adults there did achieve a warm community. To me, the space they created was marked by exclusion and othering at the hands of authority figures we were meant to trust, in the name of their interpretation of Christian values. Perhaps the lesser emphasis of Christian dogma in the First Congregational church is what they’ve exchanged to cultivate community values I more closely align with."},{"type":"pull","value":"{\"caption\":\"Because of that, my relationship with church is no longer a chapter in the shadows, collecting dust.\\\"\"}"},{"type":"text","value":"I do not know if I will call myself something other than agnostic. I do not know if the community at the First Congregational church will see me as a person in my time of need, rather than a kid who just needs prayer."},{"type":"text","value":"But, what I do know is that I  enjoyed singing songs that gave people hope in uncertain times, engaging with the values of a Christian church. Because of that, my relationship with church is no longer a chapter in the shadows, collecting dust. Instead, it continues."}]}},"pageContext":{"isCreatedByStatefulCreatePages":false,"term":"winter26","slug":"prime.takemetochurch"}}}